Theatrical, political, artycal?

Who knows anymore?

Who the fuck cares...?

By Steven Carne, Sep 27 2013 10:01AM

Twelve weeks volunteering in Africa has taught me many things. Not least that when I return on 6th October I am determined to make stress a lesser-known presence in my life. Stress has been part of the project here in Malawi no doubt and there have been times when I could barely make it to the bed I was so tired. But the stress was bearable because of the creative struggle involved and the knowledge that there was a target, an end to the process. With two weeks to go we are almost there. Stress at home just seems to go on and on trickling like a dripping tap and it is not good stress, UK stress.

This last year i have been so fucking worn out with trying my damndest to help people with videos and websites and promoting them with other such shit that I have completely emasculated my own creative energy and drive and need to be me. That coupled with stress about the bank account and making sure bills are paid has only made me miserable. So whilst I volunteer and do loads of work for free (because that’s the stupid sort of guy I am) I’m in the dumps with stress. Well no more. Time for a change.

It’s very hard though of course when you’ve embroiled yourself in an organisation and other people’s lives and helped them to grow from the beginnings or grow through a period of transition. To suddenly pull away and leave a vacuum seems unfair and then I’d only have to deal with the guilt. But how to pull away gently and allow them to keep on developing, that is the question. It’s a big question that I really do want to find the answer to... wish me luck.

I’m also officially retiring from editing and post-production. It’s a waste of time. And I’ve locked myself to a computer for far too long this last decade. Let the younger geeks do that. It’s time to get active again and live a little instead of sitting at my desk dealing with the virtual. A sort of reality it maybe but it’s one I need to get away from. Singing, joking and generally finding an old me again that’s what I’m after. Remember the old cliche. Could be dead tomorrow.

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